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Teen Hunger Force

Having read Lord of the Flies as a “young adult” I’ve only recently found out that far away from that isolated island their really in the midst of a nuclear war. Which is a total mindfuck to me now, as not only do I realize that how clueless I was back then but also that the whole concept of the novel now takes on a more apocalyptic urgency and relevance that precedes all the latter successors and imitators such as the recent teen phenom of Suzanne Collin’s  The Hunger Games. But what sets apart The Hunger Games is that it is not as hokey as Harry Potter, nerdy as Lord of the Rings, or gay as Twilight, and light years better than any Star Wars prequels (but then again what isn’t?).

                                                      (can you say Natty Bumppo?)

The only thing keeping this young love story from totally making me want to vom, is that it’s less like a CW soap and more Darwinian in the game of the ultimate reality show on the survival of the fittest. Translating the simplistic writing of the novel to the big screen requires a Director able to handle the balance between the expositionary components of the rules and reality of this dystopian totalitarian society and all the while maintain the heroine of Katniss Everdeen’s (Jennifer Lawrence) perspective…but unfortunately director Gary Ross strays from her point of view and instead gives us some irritating overused handheld shakes along with cheesy cinematography and uninspired, cheap set design. Luckily Jennifer Lawrence who is coming off a similar role in Winter’s Bone of trying to support a family and survive bum fuck poverty, is such a force of nature, even with the Baker wuss Peeta (Josh Hutcherson) by her side, who’s name is associated with a fucking falafel. The delightfully deranged Elizabeth Banks, and over the top demented performance by Stanley Tucci’s also help provide comic relief, but no way compared to the laughter that was generated from the audience every time the movie cuts to Katniss’ meathead boyfriend back home with his stupid sad puppy dog face.

Of course the adapted movie franchise is always subject to comparisons with it’s source as some key elements and characters are omitted such as the reason behind the whole class structure and districts. I don’t blame them though, these days one can’t survive a theater for more than two and half hours without having an anxiety attack from fear of bed bugs or go without having to take a fucking leak. If it were a four hour HBO miniseries though…Regardless, instead they instilled us that people in Hollywood always look good, even after starving and sleeping in trees for weeks. I mean Peeta’s missing leg is rewritten to nothing more than a scab.

There probably is another franchise somewhere percolating in the near future after this hoopla is over – with grassroots beginning thru Young Adult novels followed by a Hollywood makeover and a whole other generation that will succumb to it’s mythology. The odds are in your favor…

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4F Captain America

It’s summertime and that could only mean one thing for geeks on break – another installment of super hero movies via Marvel Comics’ standard formula of origins and conflict. Following the Thor, X-Men, and the Green Lantern hype, Captain America saves the world too from the tired Nazi villains. I’m sorry, but Truman Capote is no Nazi and Hugo Weaving just looks like Hellboy on crack…Seriously, I’m more terrified of the Crusty Punks on St. Marks.

In this hero flick however, it’s not the pyrotechnic explosions nor the deft defying leaps but rather the CGI team’s ability to convert a meathead into a fucking 90lb baby face boy-scout, all the while not bursting out of the seams of his tight ass jeans. Beefed up with Super Soldier Serum  (in other words the 1940s version of steroids) from German scientist, Stanley Tucci who wears a stupid smirk throughout and probably wanted the part for the Einstein accent and of course the scratch.  And Tommy Lee Jones? Well, I forgot he was in it.

As for Captain America’s special lady friend whom he yearns to dance with, Hayley Atwell turns in a highly stylized 1940’s military soldier feminist all the while covered in pancake makeup. And I’m sure once he is defrosted he’ll probably see if she’s still alive to do the Lindy Hop or else just skullfuck her.

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