Tag Archives: robert downey jr.

Gangs of New York

Last we spoke I was marveling Joss Whedon’s Cabin in the Woods and now – the long awaited, Avengers movie. Whereas Cabin was taut with radical twists and turns, The Avengers was predictably silly and action packed with super hero special effects. But what sets this marvel apart from it’s lame predecessors is the branded Whedon humor. And Thor takes the cake when it comes to delivering his lackluster Shakespearian lines – talk about a meathead wielding a hammer around. Mark Ruffalo succeeds as the first credible Hulk (even if Iron Man seemed a bit to eager to see Banner bust out of his pants) and Captain America, who after fending the world off from Aliens with supernatural beings, still believes in one God, makes a defiant U.S. soldier.

What wasn’t funny was every time Scarlett Johansson opened her pouty mouth – it’s no wonder there wasn’t a movie for the Black Widow. Making no attempt at a Russian accent, Scarlett hasn’t made an effort to act as anything but a whore since Ghost World. At least she wasn’t made the love interest of the story, which would of been unbearable considering the movie is already two and half hours long. As for the unconvincing nemesis Loki, Tom Hiddleston comes off like a wannabe Cillian Murphy.

My biggest gripe with this movie is – not that it ended with the Super Heroes thwarting the single nuclear missile that was intended for them and thereby turning the tables by redirecting it to ultimately destroy the Aliens, but that they demolished my beloved Grand Central Station and knocked the fucking clock off the top of the info booth. Why couldn’t they have chosen Port Authority instead?

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Yo Holmes

First was Basil Rathbone then Jeremy Brett starring as Sherlock Holmes and now, “Why?” you ask has our famous tall and imposing Holmes turned midget to Robert Downey Jr? One can only deduct the reasoning behind this casting in the upcoming movie version Directed by Brit Tarantino, Guy Ritchie a.k.a. Mr. Madonna is that Holmes often used morphine, cocaine, and opium – only he was clever enough not to get caught.

Another uninspired choice of casting is that of Dr. Watson, debatable stud and notably lean,  Jude Law. At least he’s British. But what really puts a damper on this classic buddy duo is the added love interest Rachel McAdams, who plays Irene Adler, a minor character that showed up in only one story, A Scandal in Bohemia.

Slated for a 2010 release by Warner Bros. Ritchie says “It will be a very big production, visceral and intellectual. His brilliance will percolate into the action.” Given that statement this movie will be quite a change for him and also for Producer and first time Writer, Lionel Wigram, who has yet to finish his comic book version of Sherlock to be adapted. But given his past producing credentials, Cool as Ice and August Rush, this movie looks to offend the Sherlockians and cater to the Grand Theft Auto and A.D.D. fans. The anticipation of Downey uttering Holmes famous catch line, “That’s elementary my dear Watson,” to Jude makes me cringe – At least Sacha Baron Cohen and Will Ferrell will bare some resemblance to the original in their mockery.

Shermock.

I just hope Ritchie’s gap tooth Wife doesn’t provide the soundtrack too because we all know who wears the pants in this relationship.

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White Men Can’t Dance

 

Whether Robert Downey Jr. really meant he was too dumb to understand The Dark Knight or not he definitely proved his extreme low IQ in Tropic Thunder.

Dunce.

After three summer movies and an Inside the Actors Studio dick sucking session, Downey thinks he’s hot shit as he succumbs to Jack Black and Ben Stiller’s usual fart jokes. Tropic Thunder advertises that it’s a satire on war movies but if they really wanted to push the envelope, unlike the repeating Scary Movie franchise, it would of set the movie in Iraq and satirized the current war rather than Vietnam – making it a safe haven for gratuitous violence and gore. It’s attempt to also reveal the excesses of Hollywood filmmaking is quite unoriginal and ironic when you consider both Ben Stiller and Jack Black have made bank producing so much shit over their careers. And so it stands to reason that Downey is viewed comparatively as some kind of thespian parodying a thespian selling out too. What I find offensive about Downey is not that he’s in blackface but his fucking face in general and that he’s considered one of his generations great actors probably because he’s viewed as some tortured genius in and out of rehab. Yet the real irony is how Stiller is being slammed by the disability organizations for his portrayal of a retard when infact his whole career should be. But I think these organizations are fighting a lost cause because according to Rotten Tomatoes it has an 84% rating and Tropic Thunder being the number 1 movie is just another indication of the low standards in which the public is programmed into thinking who and what is funny, I mean just look at Dane Cook for chrissakes! Whatever happened to Mr. Bob Hope and Mr. Danny Kaye? If I’m old fashion then call me old fashion.

As for Tom Cruise’s so called unsurprising comic cameo, where even beneath all that makeup and prosthetics one still can’t help noticing that annoying arrogant voice, his need to be taken seriously (awarded the highest honor in Scientology) as an actor of diversity by showcasing his ability through the use of another jew dancing about to some ungansta like rap. He should of instead stuck with dancing on Oprah’s couch.

 

 

At least the Lance Bass cameo wasn’t delusional and infact the only funny moment in the whole movie besides the opening trailers. Given the nature of this beast and it’s apparent box office success I wonder how Stiller and his much needed think tank writing team will concoct a sequel? Maybe the little Vietnamese Boy comes back all grownup seeking revenge and letting the comedy ensue…

 

 

A surprising trivia note is how Owen Wilson was originally slated to play the part of the Hollywood agent in which Matthew McConaughey eventually took over after Owen gracefully bowed out by a fake suicide attempt over Kate Hudson. However credit is probably not deserved for such a smart move on his part for he probably just felt insecure with his acting chops alongside such knuckle-heads. And so, unfortunately we had to suffer through McConaughey’s running joke of providing tivo for his clients. At least he spared us for once  by not taking off his shirt.

 

 

 

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