Tag Archives: men in black

Bad Moon Rising

In the current pantheon of film directors, I used to think that there was no one as obnoxious and egotistical than Quentin Tarantino, but at least when he’s not spitting on the press he manages to still throw in a few surprises – whereas Wes Anderson has stagnated in the same pretentious white bread cornball storybook shit that he tries to pass off as whimsical and poetic (excluding Fantastic Mr. Fox-thanks to the pure imagination of Roald Dahl). So in his latest ever so precious artistic endeavor, Moonrise Kingdom, we are once again subjected to the same dysfunctional misunderstood lovestruck heartbroken characters that communicate with each other in soundbites bordering on autistic retardation.

The star studded cast comprised of Bruce Willis, Ed Norton, Frances McDormand, and of course Bill Murray are wasted and play second fiddle to the no name kids that populate the movie, sorta like Charles Schultz Peanuts. The difference here is that the Adults unfortunately reveal the rest of their bodies from the waist up and that Charlie Brown and Snoopy are lovable – unlike the young protagonist Sam the Orphan (Jared Gilman) and his bookwormy Girlfriend Suzy Bishop (Kara Hayward), the daughter of lawyers that live on the same remote island, who scheme to elope, and when discovered missing send the island into a tizzy.

As a search party commences, they are hellbent on following some ancient Indian beaver trail and stripping down to their knickers. Though it’s rated PG-13, I promise there is nothing steamy about this love affair – unless of course you think a girl totting around a pair of binoculars is sexy? In fact, the most vulgar atrocity is the murder of the Khaki Scout’s Puppy! Charlie Brown, a child of the Fifties, was an adorably sympathetic loser who loved his Dog whereas these Brats of the Sixties not only stab each other but killed a dog for no fucking apparent reason! Another pet peeve, Wes’s soundtrack. This time around instead of butchering The Kinks he replays Hank Williams tunes to underscore this flight of fancy. But instead of feeling nostalgic like in The Last Picture Show everything just comes off contrived and forced – from the dollhouse that Suzy lives in to the Khaki Scouts campsites, but nothing more so than the acting. And speaking of acting, besides the old fogey in the Dos Equis beer commercials, nobody tries to pose more like a Rhodes Scholar and Renaissance Man like James Franco who glowingly announces to his fellow Huff Po readers that Wes Anderson Rises. But I say, considering my previous review of MIB 3, you’re better off not wasting you’re time by watching this instead –

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Black to the Future

Summer is officially here and with that comes the onslaught of the proverbial sequels and wannabe blockbusters to spawn next year’s sequels. And sadly Men In Black 3 falls victim to the genre of the wasted chapters and money (both theirs and yours).

Maybe I’m being cynical (as usual) and the Filmmakers actually had noble intentions with the fortune that Josh Brolin is a dead ringer for playing the young Tommy Lee Jones. Given that – all they had to do is concoct some silly time travel motif to send Kay back to the summer of 1969 as Brolin! Coinciding it with the first Apollo mission and the spacey Warhol Factory, a little civil rights comic relief, a Stones song and a hippy or two, you will find yourself in a $200 million budget movie.

But as we all know, the notion of good intentions in Hollywood is a misnomer. Just look at all the countless charity balls and galas they hold there for all those limousine liberals in their tax deductible designer clothes while I’m subjected to pay Midtown prices for lunch everyday!  Most recently George Clooney’s fundraising event at his palatial Hollywood home for Obama’s re-election campaign cost his exclusive 150 guests $40K a plate! While in reality they are just perpetuating this Fiat Currency that has enslaved us to the almighty dollar. Sorry, I know I’m just as guilty for greasing the wheels of the big studios by paying these outrageous 3D prices for a movie ticket.

In fact I saw that Wes Anderson movie as well the day after but that’s another blog to read if you can get through this one, so I need to get to the point – Men In Black 3 sucked. I was suckered in by my own silly sentiment of trying to recapture my childhood memories and fondness for the characters of the original 1997 movie. But not only did I realized that I can’t even remember a fucking thing about the second MIB, I also see that I haven’t really matured much since then AND that it’s just the filmmakers such as Barry Sonnenfeld and Co. that just got more retarded. If you don’t believe me wait to you see how this movie ends – not with one small step for Man but one giant leap fucking backwards for Mankind.

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