Tag Archives: james bond

Bardem Mayhem

A few weeks before Skyfall was released I bought the complete James Bond series on Blu Ray, which is by far one of the coolest packaged box sets yet – sleek and slim, with handsome slipcases for each individual disc laid in chronological order corresponding with a picture of each movie’s associated Bond Girl. With a space cleverly left empty for this upcoming movie, I noticed that there was no accompanying picture alongside the slot which made me wonder…only to soon realize after seeing Skyfall that the Bond Girl this time around is not the usual sexy, no name actress, but the frumpy lame dame Judi Dench! Of course Bond didn’t shag her, but who would’ve guessed he had a mommy complex?

Then again, there was a lot of Bond’s character and childhood revealed, along with introductions to Miss. Moneypenny and Q, that set this movie apart from the majority of others – and in turn makes it uniquely better. Of course it helps to have top-notch director Sam Mendes, and an artist like Roger Deakins as the DP to shoot stunning silhouettes in Shanghai and combat scenes through ice, water, and fire – unlike the usual hacks that they hire.

While Daniel Craig stunts are impressive the most outlandish feat is how he runs so fast in those flat shoes – jumping atop from one train car to the next.

But it’s the cat and mouse game between Bond and the villainous and flirtatious Javier Bardem that is really impressive – combining his charm from Vicky Christina Barcelona with a hair cut that rivals his No Country for Old Men, with the worst bite since Jaws.

Though with the technology and foresight to hack, relocate, and destroy British Secret Service I was hoping to see a subterranean lair made up in Lex Luthor fashion too.

Other than the minor foible of a weak opening credit montage and a 143-minute running time that put 2nd place Nobel Peace Blogging Award winner James Franco to sleep, I was wide awake in this long days journey into night that fits the puzzle of the innocence lost like what Rosebud was for Kane as Skyfall is for Bond.

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Quantum Full of Poo

Quantum of Solace Poster

(What you see is what you get)

Quantum of Solace begins where Casino Royale left off not only as an inevitable inferior sequel, the first of it’s kind in the Bond franchise storied history, but also leaves us desperately hoping that this is not part of an epic trilogy!

Doomed from the start we find Quantum of Solace to be directed by Bond newbie Marc Forster, whose credits include The Kite Runner, Finding Neverland, and Monster’s Ball, as he brings a new kind of tears to audiences tortured from the start with lamest deflated car chase sequence followed by the flattest title song and credits as they float amidst a montage of women with sand in their crotch, then omitting the traditional signature gun barrel shot that is saved instead for the end of the movie as a last resort climax, being it’s only solace.

Though Daniel Craig has not lost an ounce of his muscular physique, his portrayal definitely loses the notoriously cavalier attitude and rapier wit associated with Bond that can only be attributed and blamed on the screenwriters who have concocted a story of a mournful meathead who seeks revenge for the death of Vesper Lynd who actually killed herself anyway by drowning. Regardless, in this movie we follow Bond tracking down the secret organization known as Quantum who not only was responsible in extorting Vesper but also has some half-baked idea to blockade Bolivia’s water supply by filtering it into massive reservoirs hidden beneath a desert they will soon acquire. Whatever happened to world conquest and domination? With Mathieu Amalric casted as the weakest Bond villain, Dominic Greene, (hardly your imposing nefarious looking nemesis but rather a Roman Polanski lookalike) it is no wonder that we are subjected to such a pussy driven plot. Seriously, he was more terrifying with his one eye as a paralyzed bedridden stroke victim in The Diving Bell and The Butterfly.

The Diving Bell and The Butterfly

But does the inclusion of a car chase, a boat chase, a propeller plane chase, and sky diving chase make up for this lack of suspense? Nope. After four edited to pieces, shit chase scenes one can’t help wishing for some eye drops as they try to sift through the cuts to find some action. But while the movie not only lacks action it also is missing, as the credits and movie posters foreshadow, Bond’s mojo. He barely gets the chance to take us down to Strawberry Fields (Gemma Arterton) before she is tarred, revealing only a weak attempt at a homage to Goldfinger  (And all I really wanted to see her sixth finger nub!) As for leading lady Camille Montes (Olga Kurylenko), whom Bond never even shags probably because of the severe burn marks on her back or maybe because he is already familiar with her sex tape, not only needs acting lessons but also is in need of a shower.

Quantum of Solace Olga

What also is lacking from Quantum is it’s traditional ritualistic familiarity of events such as the appearances of the latest high tech gadgets introduced by Q, the naughty flirtations with Miss Moneypenny, and the villian’s lair and impending doom with a touch of romance and intrigue, and especially the character of M (Judi Dench) whom is not nearly a cold enough bitch – as we are constantly reminded with lingering closeups of Judi’s wrinkly sympathetic face that she really is a softy inside. 

Judi Dench Quantum of Solace

I think it’s safe to say that Highschool Musical 3 and Twilight have just as much drama and more action as they continue to lead at the box office.

Batty Bond

 

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Shake Your Bond Bond!

 


Earlier this week it was announced that new tabloid junkie Amy Winehouse has been replaced by rocker Jack White and soul singer Alicia Keys to record the latest Bond pic, Quantum of Solace, theme. I personally do hope they incorporate the title into the lyrics but not much rhymes with Solace other than Gonzales? This duet marks the first of any in the 007 theme history and is said to be released October 28th. 

The Bond theme songs have often featured popular artists of it’s time. Paul McCartney and Sheena Easton were the only Academy Award nominated while Duran Duran and John Barry’s “A View to Kill” were the only others to make US charts. Currently there is no available compilation of these themes on a single CD – most likely because of all the bickering between Brococoli and Saltzman.

 

BOND TITLE SONGS

Dr. No (1962)

John Barry & Orchestra Monty Norman – “Kingston Clypso”

 

From Russia with Love (1963)

Matt Monro – “From Russia with Love”

 

Goldfinger (1964)

Shirley Bassey – “Goldfinger”

 

Thunderball (1965)

Tom Jones – “Thunderball”

 

You Only Live Twice (1967)

Nancy Sinatra – “You Only Live Twice”

 

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969)

John Barry – Instrumental (the only)

 

Diamonds are Forever (1971)

Shirley Bassey – “Diamonds are Forever”

 

Live and Let Die (1973)

Paul McCartney – “Live and Let Die”

 

The Man with the Golden Gun (1974)

Lulu – “The Man with the Golden Gun”

 

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)

Carly Simon – “Nobody Does it Better”

 

Moonraker (1979)

Shirley Bassey – “Moonraker”

 

For Your Eyes Only (1981)

Sheena Easton – “For Your Eyes Only”

 

Octopussy (1983)

Rita Coolidge – “All Time High”

 

A View to a Kill (1985)

Duran Duran – “A View to a Kill”

 

The Living Daylights (1987)

a-ha – “The Living Daylights”

 

Licence to Kill (1989)

Gladys Knights – “Licence to Kill”

 

GoldenEye (1995)

Tina Turner – “GoldenEye”

 

Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)

Sheryl Crow – “Tomorrow Never Dies”

 

The World is Not Enough (1999)

Garbage – “The World is Not Enough”

 

Die Another Day (2002)

Madonna – “Die Another Day”

 

Casino Royale (2006)

Chris Cornell – “You Know My Name”

 

Quantum of Solace (2008)

Jack White & Alicia Keys – “Another Way to Die”

 

 

 

THE MAN BEHIND THE SILHOUETTES

 

Maurice Binder is the original Title Designer for the first 16 Bond flicks (excluding From Russia with Love and Goldfinger) who has perfected to a scintillating science the use of silhouetted naked women dancing across the silver screen titillating millions of moviegoers thus enhancing the theme songs and singers more often than not with the exception being A-ha and Lulu. After 27 years, from his first sequence in Dr. No to his last in Licence to Kill, you would think he would get sick of rehashing the same tried and true and show us a little titty – Janet Jackson style.

 

Shaken Not Stirred

 

DR. NO (1962)

 

 

LICENCE TO KILL (1989)

 

 

 

 

Spy Buddies

 

 

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