Tag Archives: hitchcock

Save it for the Birds

When an actor comes to me and wants to discuss his character, I say, ‘It’s in the script.’ If he says, ‘But what’s my motivation,’ I say, ‘Your salary.’ – Alfred Hitchcock

So last Saturday night I painfully sat through HBO’s The Girl, Tippi Hedren’s alleged account of her mental and sexual abuse from Alfred Hitchcock during the making of The Bird’s and Marnie – a borderline trashy gossip flick and a desperate attempt by Tippi to gain the spotlight one last time by accusing Hitch hindered her career even though he plucked her out from obscurity. But who am I to judge this supposed retelling of she said – he’s dead? Though I can’t see The Birds leaving her too traumatized as she went on to live with a houseful of live-in lions for her and her hubby’s flop Roar, putting all including her daughter at a serious risk of getting one’s head chomped the fuck off.

What I can say is that this made for cable movie was shot so bad that it belonged on Lifetime. This probably being the one reason Hitch is rolling in his grave. And I can’t imagine what Bernard Hermann must think of the atrocious score they laid under this turd.

The only inside story I came away with is that Tippi was a nickname given by her Grandfather. And that Toby Jones who plays Hitch, like his portrayal of Truman Capote to Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s, will once again root comparisons with the upcoming Hitchcock feature film with Sir Anthony Hopkins – which will undoubtedly steal all of Toby’s thunder, relegating him at best to an understudy, due to the fact that I can’t imagine how anybody could do worse.

 

As was well known Hitch was obsessed with blondes – The Girl prefaces with Hitchcock’s words; “Blondes make the best victims. They’re like virgin snow that shows up the bloody footprints.” How this is equated with Tippi I don’t know, since I’m not quite sure she was a victim but a more or less a flirt and terrible actress. Unless you consider some fat old perv hitting on you, whom happens to be a genius – sexual assault? Instead, I always found Roman Polanski’s take a bit more haunting when answering Robert Towne’s (Chinatown screenwriter) question on why he changed his ending to a tragedy – “Because beautiful blondes die in Los Angeles.” At least Hitch didn’t rape Melanie.

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Movie remakes are for The Birds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It seems that there is nothing original anymore, and box office revenue are the only motivation in Hollywood. How many more classics will they desecrate? Does anyone prefer the remake over the original? What’s next 8 1/2 and Citizen Kane?

 

DESTROYED:

 

12 angry men

Alfie

Annie

Bad News Bears

Bedazzled

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari

Carnival of Souls

Carrie

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Charlotte’s Web

The Fly (3 versions)

Great Expectations (5 versions)

Halloween

Harvey (4 versions)

The Hills Have Eyes

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

The In-Laws

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (3 versions)

King Kong (3 version)

Lolita

The Manchurian Candidate

Miracle on 34th Street

The Night of the Hunter

The Nutty Professor

Oceans 11

Picnic (3 versions)

Planet of the Apes

The Poseidon Adventure (3 versions)

Rules of the Game

Shaft

Spartacus

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

To Kill a Mockingbird

War of the Worlds

 

 

The most eagerly anticipated upcoming movies.

NEXT CATASTROPHES:

 

Barbarella – 2009

Directed by Robert Rodriguez 

Starring Rose Mcgowen

 

The Birds – 2009

Directed by Martin Campell

Produced by Michael Bay!!!!

Starring Naomi Watts

 

The Creature from the Black Lagoon – 2009

Directed by Breck Eisner

Starring Bill Paxon

 

East of Eden – 2009

?

 

Escape from New York – 2009

?

 

Fahrenheit 451 – 2009

Screenplay by Frank Darabont

 

The Incredible Shrinking Man (3 versions) – 2008

Directed by Brett Ratner

Starring Eddie Murphy

 

Lady from Shanghai – 2008

Directed by Kar Wai Kong

 

Logan’s Run – 2010

Directed by Joseph Kosinski

 

Sunset Boulevard – 2010

?

 

The Day the Earth Stood Still – 2008

Directed by Scott Derrickson

Starring Keanu Reeves and Jennifer Connelly

 

List of remakes in its entirety.

 

 

PSYCHO KILLER QU’EST QUE C’EST? FA FA FA FA FA FA FA FA…

“You can’t win, Darth. If you strike me down, I will be more powerful than you can possibly imagine.” – Obi-Wan Kenobi

 

How many Hitchcock remakes need to be done before Hollywood comes to the realization that no one will ever outdo the master? With the exception of Hitch remaking his own The Man Who Knew Too Much all these remakes are only futile attempts at suspense. I wouldn’t be surprised if they remade Vertigo starring Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz.

 

The 39 Steps (3 versions)

The Birds

Dial M for Murder

The Lady Vanishes

Lifeboat

Notorious

Psycho

Rear Window

Rebecca

Sabotage

Shadow of  Doubt

Strangers on a Train (3 versions)

Suspicion

Under Capricorn

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