Tag Archives: disney

Brave Little Toy Story 3

“When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.” – Corinthians 13:11

Except of course when it comes to Pixar movies, my Pez collection, and Toy Story 3! Finally after 11 years of contractual disagreements between Good vs. Evil, Pixar vs. Disney, Shiite’s vs. Jews and the unforgivable Cars, a resolution’s made as we rejoin now 17 year old Andy (after a gay overused camcorder montage replete of first steps, birthday candles, and “singing” Randy) where the premise is immediately presented as operation playtime backfires. Woody and the gang may have escaped the attic but instead are mistakenly donated to Sunnyside Daycare! Where they are joined with a colorful new cast of toys. However, thinking that they hit the jackpot, they soon realize they are in Dachau.

(Even Timothy Treadwell would find this bear scary with his Chill Wills charm and all.)

(Climb aboard the dream weaver train!)

Ok, maybe the Holocaust is a bit of a stretch but one thing that can’t be overlooked is Toy Story‘s likeness to The Brave Little Toaster: rejected toys seeking their master, confronted with newer, flashier replacements, and a garbage dump ruled by a menacing magnetic crane (The Claw!) and conveyor belt advancing them to their ultimate doom. Yet, while The Brave Little Toaster will always be recognized as a classic it fails in comparison because in what reality does a kid prefer a vacuum cleaner to a Space Ranger? I sure as fuck know that my brother wouldn’t – the recyclables, dishes and trash are currently piled to the ceiling waiting to be sorted.

But despite Pixar’s familiar plot and chase it turns out they aren’t completely dry as they replenish in producing another damn good original short, Day and Night (not to be confused with Tom Cruise’s Knight and Day).

In the end the feud of contractual obligations between Disney and Pixar actually fortiutously gave, (expecially to its first generation audience) thru natural course of time as we have grown up with Andy – thereby reversing the emphasis from the toys to him, and our own closure with childhood and to this trilogy…which almost left me in tears until that Bonnie girl shows up again! Yet the only suggestion of a sequel I fear is when Woody says , “Someday, if we’re lucky, Andy will have kids of his own and we will always be there for him.” Hopefully by then in the summer of 2020 this 3D fad will be over at least. But either way given the absence of any Fathers I’d be very surprised if that happens! I mean where the fuck is Andy’s Dad anyway? At least we know who Buzz’s is!

Happy Belated Father’s Day!

“Toys in the attic, I am crazy. Truly gone fishing. They must have taken my marbles away. Crazy. Toys in the attic, he’s crazy.” – Pink Floyd

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Shia transformers hand.

 

“Talent is funny, I’ve always looked at talent like what the hell does talent really mean? Talent is to actors what luck is to card players. It’s not really anything, it’s just a fictitious word that people have created and labeled things. Talent is like you know I never really believed in talent, I believed in drive and determination and preparation but talent is sort of like luck. I wouldn’t want to think of myself as talented it doesn’t seem like there’s any validity in that. I like to think of myself as an ordinary man with extra ordinary determination. That’s it.” – Shia LaBeouf

 

When Spielberg and Lucas are not busy counting their box office returns and tinkering and tampering (CGI) with their movies from the glory days of the 70’s and 80’s so as to repackage them for the latest video format, Shia Labeouf, their latest protege and possibly every nerdy directors alter-ego, is being touted and featured in every one their projects. From Indy to Transformers, to Disturbia and the upcoming Eagle Eye audiences continue to suffer as they are force fed this ass clown.

In Hebrew Shia means a gift from God, and if God don’t play dice at least he has a cruel sense of humor. Hollywood’s latest bad boy or “wild one” recently cemented his persona once more by rolling his pick-up truck at 3 A.M. in West Hollywood resulting in a DUI and second arrest while suffering a crushed hand. According to reports his hand will never fully recover but hopefully, like Harold Lloyd, his comedic talents will not be diminished. Though he has referred to Dustin Hoffman, Jodie Foster, Jon Voight and John Turturro as inspirations, so far only Brando and Jimmy Stewart have been the latest victims to be bestowed upon and disgraced.

 

 

Besides his hand, the accidents only casualty were his decorative toilet seats that were strewn about the boulevard. These being the only artistic contribution that has any merit from Shia – most likely where his “talent” and career is heading.

 

Shia LaButt

 

After Hillary Duff, Raven Symone, Miley Cyrus, The Cheetah Girls, The Jonas Brothers and the High School Musical clan one wonders how many more of these child stars can the Disney Channel continue to plague us with?

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