Tag Archives: charlize theron

Prometheus vs. Nostromo

Until a recent Google search of Greek Mythology I never knew that Aristophanes coined the phrase “pedagogic pederasty” or to use the parlance of our times, “doing it the Greek way.” I also discovered that “Prometheus” is a: “Titan, culture hero, and trickster figure who is credited with the creation of man from clay and the theft of fire for human use, an act that enabled progress and civilization. He is known for his intelligence, and as a champion of mankind.” Whereas the spaceship in Alien, Nostromo, means “shipmate” in Italian. Therein lies the idealogical difference between then and this new lofty prequel, Prometheus. Truck Drivers in space vs. Theologians in space, Horror vs. Sci-fi, or Sigourney vs. Noomi. And even though Prometheus should be compared on it’s own merits the similarities are so similar that it is seemingly obvious that it was by the same director, Ridley Scott. That said, I wish this movie was even longer than it’s 2 1/2 hour running time because I was totally into this flick and wanted to know more about these one dimensional characters in this H.R. Giger world.

Starting with Noomi Rapace, with her ripped abs and an unperturbed voice, who unlike all these other butch damsel heroes still retains her femininity. Sparking interest from Michael Fassbender, an Android as androgynous as David Bowie, but comes off more human and a lot like some people I know – backstabbing pompous know-it-alls.

Once again, my favorite Charlize Theron puts in another killer cold bitch performance to the point where one suspects she’s a fucking Android too. That is, until you find out she’s the Daughter of raisin faced Guy Pearce, who is wasted under prosthetics and make up. They should of just casted a real old man on his last legs, like Kirk Douglas or Fidel Castro. As for the rest of the crew – they were either Geologist, Biologist, Engineers, or just plain Alien bait.

But the real bait is how Ridley and the writers coax you into thinking that this quest for Man’s origin will be revelatory, stemming from and enticing you with identical patterns of planets imbedded in ancient cave paintings and scriptures. But the only revelation is a possibility of another sequel in which Lost writer, Damon Lindelof, will have to come up with an explanation more absurd then that stupid fucking show or Cowboys vs. Aliens. Unless of course they abstract out like 2001: A Space Odyssey. So if there is sequel trying to explain shit it might just completely negate the power of this film. Me, I’m sticking with Darwin in that we spawned from fucking monkeys.

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Snow Patrol

I don’t know exactly how many movies are based upon The Brother Grimms’ Fairy Tales first published in 1812, but it’s safe to say that billions of people over the years have enjoyed the many adaptations and incarnations…except maybe the most recent Mirror Mirror starring Julia Roberts and last year’s Red Riding Hood which currently holds an 11% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes! It’s ironic that both actress came to prominence playing street whores but at least Charlize’s was a serial killer on top of it and could fucking act! Speaking of acting, I know there is quite a debate amongst us Cinephiles on whether Kristen Stewart can act or let alone have any other facial expression besides this-
But to me poo face Kristen Stewart’s pulls off playing Snow White, english accent and all. Specially with her speech to rallying up the troops and CGI dwarfs to overthrow the Queen’s empire and to reclaim her childhood castle. I’m not saying it was on par with Brando’s speech as Mark Antony in Julius Caesar but it was convincing enough for this better than average fairy tale movie, Snow White and the Huntsman. As for the Huntsman, Chris Hemsworth, as usual he is beefy and goofy yet lovable and with a bad case of blue balls throughout the movie even though it had a happy ending.

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Daydream Believer

“Well I did not think the girl could be so cruel and I’m never going back to my old school” -Steely Dan

It’s a rare occasion when a movie comes along that cuts so close to the bone and the wounds that are inflicted from High School never seem to go away. The last time I identified so with a character was Neo in The Matrix. But that movie was just an escape from my doldrum life whereas in Young Adult the character of Mavis Gary (Charlize Theron) made me reflective and question the choices and decisions “In My Life.” But unlike that song I certainly didn’t “love them all,” in fact, I couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of that one horse town and move to the big city!! Very much like Mavis. Kudos to Diablo Cody who finally penned a real dysfunctional character unlike her past over the top hip, trip talking Juno and that Skank Vampire Megan Fox, or one of the many obnoxious multiple personalities of Tara – This time successfully fusing together a bittersweet comedy filled with pathos and introspective disdain that some would consider cynical. But then again, if you’ve ever sat through an episode of MTV’s Teen Mom than you’d know what the fuck I’m talking about.

Charlize’s character may still be as shallow as ever but at least she recognizes that there’s more to life than Walmarts and Ken-Taco Huts. Though in a delusional alcoholic fog she regresses to ignorant puppy love in hopes to rekindle a romance with her High School sweetheart regardless if he’s married with children. The only thing that didn’t ring true for me is her age of 37, when most of my High School colleagues are already getting hitched or divorced and popping out babies and they haven’t even turned 25 yet! At 37 I’d expect them to be Grandmas.

But what will always remain true is the nerdy kid who is ostracized and sits at home with his hobbies and fantasizes about girls like Charlize, and in this case that has never been portrayed better than by Patton Oswalt. Who not only shifts the whole tone of the movie’s perspective but gives the audience an empathetic character and makes for a unique duo paired with Mavis.

It pains me to think that this movie was so profoundly moving to me because it was directed by Jason Reitman (who is not only handed the best scripts in town but was also handed a whole directing career due to his Ghostbusters‘ Dad, Ivan) AND because I have a life. Even though I might envy that small town mentality of raising a family in the very same backwoods I grew up in when compared to the compartmentalization of the cosmopolitan mine is now, it still just sounds so fucking boring to me – I’d rather be lost in space than grounded in the sticks. So cheer up, sleepy Charlize….


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