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Pooper

However implausible this Looper movie is I have to wonder if Jimmy Hoffa or Judge Joe Crater were done in with these same sort of tactics and also how the fuck these sci-fi movies always end up being chick flicks in disguise! I mean if you thought last year’s faux sci-fi movie, The Adjustment Bureau, starring Matt Damon with Emily Blunt was gay then wait till you sit through Rian Johnson’s Looper.

Set in the year 2044, a Looper, in this case Joseph Gordon-Levitt, basically awaits with a shotgun and tarp and executes Gitmo look alikes sent back in time by mobsters using an outlawed time machine in order to dispose of bodies because I guess CSI is so advanced in the distant future. Strapped to the backs of these faceless fuck ups are silver bars as form of payment which sounds good and plenty but it sure ain’t worth the ticket scratch nor time wasted waiting for the real draw of this movie, Bruce Willis.

And then that notion of being confronted with your future old self dealing not only with the conundrums of time travel but fighting for both of your survival and in fear of double crossing yourself by giving into the mobsters like Jeff Daniels, who’s not so much menacing as he is funny. But the movie goes south after the diner scene in which Bruce Willis and JGL sit down over steak and eggs to hash things out because the rest of this way too long film is played out on a fucking farm surrounded by cornfields with shotguns and an axe, a pick up truck, and a toy frog walkie talkie alarm to illustrate this futuristic high tech world.

Also, I won’t bother mentioning the annoying character of the little boy since he’s completely absent in all the trailers too. At least Writer Director Rian Johnson ditches his Wes Anderson aesthetic and is now ripe to be ridiculed as this video exemplifies.

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Bad Moon Rising

In the current pantheon of film directors, I used to think that there was no one as obnoxious and egotistical than Quentin Tarantino, but at least when he’s not spitting on the press he manages to still throw in a few surprises – whereas Wes Anderson has stagnated in the same pretentious white bread cornball storybook shit that he tries to pass off as whimsical and poetic (excluding Fantastic Mr. Fox-thanks to the pure imagination of Roald Dahl). So in his latest ever so precious artistic endeavor, Moonrise Kingdom, we are once again subjected to the same dysfunctional misunderstood lovestruck heartbroken characters that communicate with each other in soundbites bordering on autistic retardation.

The star studded cast comprised of Bruce Willis, Ed Norton, Frances McDormand, and of course Bill Murray are wasted and play second fiddle to the no name kids that populate the movie, sorta like Charles Schultz Peanuts. The difference here is that the Adults unfortunately reveal the rest of their bodies from the waist up and that Charlie Brown and Snoopy are lovable – unlike the young protagonist Sam the Orphan (Jared Gilman) and his bookwormy Girlfriend Suzy Bishop (Kara Hayward), the daughter of lawyers that live on the same remote island, who scheme to elope, and when discovered missing send the island into a tizzy.

As a search party commences, they are hellbent on following some ancient Indian beaver trail and stripping down to their knickers. Though it’s rated PG-13, I promise there is nothing steamy about this love affair – unless of course you think a girl totting around a pair of binoculars is sexy? In fact, the most vulgar atrocity is the murder of the Khaki Scout’s Puppy! Charlie Brown, a child of the Fifties, was an adorably sympathetic loser who loved his Dog whereas these Brats of the Sixties not only stab each other but killed a dog for no fucking apparent reason! Another pet peeve, Wes’s soundtrack. This time around instead of butchering The Kinks he replays Hank Williams tunes to underscore this flight of fancy. But instead of feeling nostalgic like in The Last Picture Show everything just comes off contrived and forced – from the dollhouse that Suzy lives in to the Khaki Scouts campsites, but nothing more so than the acting. And speaking of acting, besides the old fogey in the Dos Equis beer commercials, nobody tries to pose more like a Rhodes Scholar and Renaissance Man like James Franco who glowingly announces to his fellow Huff Po readers that Wes Anderson Rises. But I say, considering my previous review of MIB 3, you’re better off not wasting you’re time by watching this instead –

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