Tag Archives: aardman

Mutiny on the Bounty

I knew going into this Aardman production that Nick Park was not involved, so truth be told I was expecting the worse from The Pirates! Band of Misfits. But nothing could have have prepared me for the agony endured or my bafflement over the rave reviews I read later. With the number of disposable CGI movies attracting brats accompanied by their pampering parents, I really wanted to appreciate the aesthetic and massive, painstaking time bestowed – despite the stupid jokes in the trailer. But I never believed Aardman would produce something  with such an insultingly stupid plot with such dull and unimaginative characters! Assholes!

I knew we were in trouble from the get go when the lamest Pirate to torment the high seas was billed as “The Pirate Captain” with his mute Dodo, Polly (that they stupidly believe to be a Parrot) who turns out to be the lynchpin behind this whole fiasco of a plot – whereby his fellow crew sets out to wrangle booty in hope to earn the ridiculous Pirate of the Year Award. By this point I was ready to walk the plank. But matters only worsened when the Pirate Captain’s nemesis turns out to be none other than that notorious nefarious naturalist, Charles Darwin! And his fucking Manpanzee! Now I’m no stickler for historical accuracy, especially in stop-motion animation movies geared for kids, but portraying Darwin to be something other than a peace loving man of science circumnavigating the globe on the HMS Beagle documenting fauna and flora is a capitol crime!

Not to mention how cute and clever the filmmakers think they are when having The Elephant Man make a brief cameo while they are conspiraring in London – even though in 1836 he wasn’t even born yet! Another thing, since when do Pirate movies spend so much time in a cities like London and sail into it by way of the Thames? And don’t even get me started on The Freshman premise rip off! I know you’re probably thinking that I need to lighten up because it’s only a kids movie but I’m more prone to flying elephants and talking toys than I am to this fucking piece of shit!

Basically Aardman didn’t get the memo that Pirate fad is passe and Bobby Driscoll is probably rolling in his potters field’s grave on the mysterious Hart Island while none of these pirate aficionados give a flying fuck now. Sorry. Really what I’m saying is that this movie was so bad that afterwards I went to a to see an exhibit of Ron Wood’s paintings and found them to be a more pleasing sight even if they really did suck.

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Wallace & Gromit Rise Again

A Matter Of Loaf And Death

“So that new W&G, I dunno… It had a huge number of awesome one liners, so script was all good, but I feel as if it was lacking something, maybe cause it was so fast paced” – Woody Roxon

After a winter hiatus, where the only thing newsworthy was how overrated Slumdog Millionaire was, finally something cracking has been released on the big screen. The long awaited fourth installment of Nick Parks’ Wallace & Gromit shorts, A Matter of Loaf and Death, though aired on Christmas for the BBC has finally been imported to the States. And boy, was it what I “kneaded”. Complete with a new business of inventions, contraptions, love interests, villains, puns and buns, Loaf does not disappoint as the lovable but dimwitted Wallace and his penchant for falling into trouble (love) is once again rescued by loyal dog, Gromit.

Wallace & Gromit Top Bun

From the beginning the structure parallels The Curse of the Were-Rabbit as the story is framed around a murder mystery with a “cereal killer” on the loose targeting bakers. Opening from the Killer’s point of view creeping up behind Baker Bob (also known as Bob Baker, Nick Park’s writing partner) greeting the camera only to be done in by a rolling pin. We are then reintroduced to Wallace & Gromit’s latest business venture, Dr. Atkin’s nemesis, Top Bun Baking “Dough to Door” delivery company. Although the pace is frenetic filled with clever gags and well done puns that all fall into place – such as a burnt slice of toast popping out of their car radio, the new twist this time around is Gromit’s love interest. And while she may have some hot cross buns when compared to Wallace’s homely hook ups I would think by now Gromit would know a bitch when he saw one.

Gromit & Fluffles

Curiously given the filmmakers recent split form Dreamworks you’d expect something less polished with more eccentric British wit and charm like their previous shorts instead of references to Jerry Zucker’s 1990 Ghost. Although a revisit to Wallace & Gromit will always be a positive refresher maybe this is where the problem may lie ahead in their future endeavors as we eagerly await the next Aardman feature film, hopefully not resorting to the same script formulae. This being my only criticism, lack of innovation, at least it’s not as lame, misguided and seriously irresponsible as this – Sourdough Rolls.

Piella & Fluffles

Stay tuned as we kick off this summer with Star Trek at the IMAX with some serious Trekkies.

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