Monthly Archives: July 2011

4F Captain America

It’s summertime and that could only mean one thing for geeks on break – another installment of super hero movies via Marvel Comics’ standard formula of origins and conflict. Following the Thor, X-Men, and the Green Lantern hype, Captain America saves the world too from the tired Nazi villains. I’m sorry, but Truman Capote is no Nazi and Hugo Weaving just looks like Hellboy on crack…Seriously, I’m more terrified of the Crusty Punks on St. Marks.

In this hero flick however, it’s not the pyrotechnic explosions nor the deft defying leaps but rather the CGI team’s ability to convert a meathead into a fucking 90lb baby face boy-scout, all the while not bursting out of the seams of his tight ass jeans. Beefed up with Super Soldier Serum  (in other words the 1940s version of steroids) from German scientist, Stanley Tucci who wears a stupid smirk throughout and probably wanted the part for the Einstein accent and of course the scratch.  And Tommy Lee Jones? Well, I forgot he was in it.

As for Captain America’s special lady friend whom he yearns to dance with, Hayley Atwell turns in a highly stylized 1940’s military soldier feminist all the while covered in pancake makeup. And I’m sure once he is defrosted he’ll probably see if she’s still alive to do the Lindy Hop or else just skullfuck her.

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