You Will Be Bored.

“It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”-Shakespeare

So begins Woody Allen’s 5th European set film, You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger, narrated by some village idiot and leftover cast. And if that’s not a set up line open to ridicule and interpretation regarding this movie…Yes, I know that ultimately we are all idiots – I mean even Dostoyevsky and Greenday have come to that conclusion, and Tolstoy did say, “The only absolute knowledge attainable by man is that life is meaningless.” But how about having a few laughs before we check out, Woody? I mean I love your movies “especially your early funny ones”.

ButĀ Stardust Memories was many moons ago, and now we are reduced to a series of minor melodramas based on loosely formed, half-baked ideas with no real resolution. Such as Writer (Josh Brolin) with writer’s block who steals recently dead writers unread manuscript and falls in love with the rear window, lady in red Neighbor (Freida Pinto) or the rehashed tale of a viagra popping Old Man (Anthony Hopkins) who divorces his wife of decades and marries a young bombshell Hooker (Lucy Punch) realizing he’s made a mistake and wants to go back to his wrinkly saggy titted ex-wife (Gemma Jones) who since has resorted to following a quack fortune teller’s advice leaving her miserably married Daughter (Naomi Watts) hopeless who falls in love with her miserably married boss (Antonio Banderas). So much for the “sound and the fury”. Faulkner attributed the title to the decline and death of a traditional upper-class Southern family and whereas Woody to the foibles of a bunch of self-centered neurotic Brits who’s only hope of redemption or salvation at this point is to go to “Jazz Heaven”.

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