Monthly Archives: July 2008

Jerry Dystrophy

“There is no gap between comedy and tragedy.” – Jerry Lewis

 

At age 82 Jerry Lewis (Comic and Honorary Ambassador of Peace for the Harvey Ball Foundation) is still making headlines. After being detained at the Las Vegas McCarran Airport for concealing a .22 calibre handgun without a permit one wonders “Why?” Who is after you Jerry? Could it be the Gays for your “faggot” slip on live television? The Cripples who you tell to stay home? Rupert Pupkin? Or Women who believe there is more to life than babies and the kitchen?

Jerry Lewis cited for gun in luggage.

 

While Jerry has served as National Chairman for the Muscular Dystrophy Association (MDA) since 1952, after hosting 41 years of Labor Day telethons and a collected $2 billion dollars he still never fails to shock us with his offensive, politically incorrect comments.

 

CRAZY JERRY QUOTES

Parade Magazine, September 2, 1990

“I’d like to play basketball like normal, healthy, vital, and energetic people. I really don’t want the substitute. I just can’t half-do anything — either it’s all the way, or forget it. That’s a rough way to think in my position. When I sit back and think a little more rationally, I realize my life is half, so I must learn to do things halfway. I just have to learn to try to be good at being a half a person…and get on with my life. I may be a full human being in my heart and soul, yet I am still half a person, and I know I’ll do well if I keep my priorities in order.”

“If I Had Muscular Dystrophy” First Person Essay

Vanity Fair, September 1993

“I’ve raised one billion three hundred million dollars. These 19 people don’t want me to do that. They want me to stop now? Fuck them. Do it in caps. FUCK THEM.”

MDA Telethon 1991

If a person is diagnosed with Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis “You might as well put a gun in your mouth.”

MDA Telethon 1992

“My kids cannot go into the workplace. There’s nothing they can do. They’ve been attacked by a vicious killer. I’m begging for their survival.”

U.S. Comedy Arts Festival 2000

“I don’t like any female comedians. A woman doing comedy doesn’t offend me, but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world.”

CBS News 2001

“Pity? If you don’t want to be pitied because you’re a cripple in a wheelchair stay in your house.”

MDA Telethon 2007

“Oh, your family has come to see you. You remember Bart, your oldest son, Jesse, the illiterate faggot no…”

 

Yet after all is said and done, Lewis’ bi-polar turrets may give him a bad rep, but in the end he will always have his Legion d’honneur and the admiration from the auteur theorists, thus regarded as  the “French people’s favorite clown” and The King of Comedy – always keeping it fresh.

 

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The Kinks: Celluloid Heroes vs Powerman and the Money-go-round.

 

 

 

Between movies and TV commercials The Kinks are rolling in dough. Since 2007 alone they have been featured in 7 TV spots and 7 movies. When will these Directors get over this Kinks craze? It appears that The Kinks are quickly losing their edge (just as The Beatles, Stones, and The Who) while these posing, retro – hipsters continue to overplay them.

 

 

So please, Wes and Wes Wannabes, get over your slow-motion Kinks montages. What band are they going to anoint next? Herman’s Hermits?

 

 

KINKS’ TV SPOTS

IBM – “I’m Not Like Everybody Else”

HP  – “Picture Book”

Converse and Target – “Everybody’s a Star”

Alka-Seltzer – “Tired of Waiting for you”

Gap Kids – “Your Really Got Me”

La La – “Lola”

Coke – “Lola”

Abbott Labs – “Everybody’s Gonna be Happy”

Joes Superstore – “Everybody’s Gonna be Happy”

Tide – “All the Day and All of the Night”

Starburst – “All the Day and All of the Night”

Kohls – “All the Day and All of the Night”

Saab – “All the Day and All of the Night”

GM – “All the Day and All of the Night”

 

Kinks find a 6m glow in advertising.

 

KINKS’ FEATURES

2008

The Bank Job – “Lola”

2007

Rakkauden nalka – “Waterloo Sunset”

Smother – “Better Things”

The Darjeeling Limited – “This Time Tomorrow,” “Strangers,” “Powerman”

Juno – “Well Respected Man”

Hot Fuzz – “Village Green Preservation Society,”  “Village Green”

The Savages – “Riverside”

2006

School for Scoundrels – “Set Me Free”

Click – “Do It Again”

Doogal – “You Really Got Me”

 

Kinks’ Filmography.

 

 

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Movie remakes are for The Birds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It seems that there is nothing original anymore, and box office revenue are the only motivation in Hollywood. How many more classics will they desecrate? Does anyone prefer the remake over the original? What’s next 8 1/2 and Citizen Kane?

 

DESTROYED:

 

12 angry men

Alfie

Annie

Bad News Bears

Bedazzled

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari

Carnival of Souls

Carrie

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Charlotte’s Web

The Fly (3 versions)

Great Expectations (5 versions)

Halloween

Harvey (4 versions)

The Hills Have Eyes

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

The In-Laws

Invasion of the Body Snatchers (3 versions)

King Kong (3 version)

Lolita

The Manchurian Candidate

Miracle on 34th Street

The Night of the Hunter

The Nutty Professor

Oceans 11

Picnic (3 versions)

Planet of the Apes

The Poseidon Adventure (3 versions)

Rules of the Game

Shaft

Spartacus

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

To Kill a Mockingbird

War of the Worlds

 

 

The most eagerly anticipated upcoming movies.

NEXT CATASTROPHES:

 

Barbarella – 2009

Directed by Robert Rodriguez 

Starring Rose Mcgowen

 

The Birds – 2009

Directed by Martin Campell

Produced by Michael Bay!!!!

Starring Naomi Watts

 

The Creature from the Black Lagoon – 2009

Directed by Breck Eisner

Starring Bill Paxon

 

East of Eden – 2009

?

 

Escape from New York – 2009

?

 

Fahrenheit 451 – 2009

Screenplay by Frank Darabont

 

The Incredible Shrinking Man (3 versions) – 2008

Directed by Brett Ratner

Starring Eddie Murphy

 

Lady from Shanghai – 2008

Directed by Kar Wai Kong

 

Logan’s Run – 2010

Directed by Joseph Kosinski

 

Sunset Boulevard – 2010

?

 

The Day the Earth Stood Still – 2008

Directed by Scott Derrickson

Starring Keanu Reeves and Jennifer Connelly

 

List of remakes in its entirety.

 

 

PSYCHO KILLER QU’EST QUE C’EST? FA FA FA FA FA FA FA FA…

“You can’t win, Darth. If you strike me down, I will be more powerful than you can possibly imagine.” – Obi-Wan Kenobi

 

How many Hitchcock remakes need to be done before Hollywood comes to the realization that no one will ever outdo the master? With the exception of Hitch remaking his own The Man Who Knew Too Much all these remakes are only futile attempts at suspense. I wouldn’t be surprised if they remade Vertigo starring Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz.

 

The 39 Steps (3 versions)

The Birds

Dial M for Murder

The Lady Vanishes

Lifeboat

Notorious

Psycho

Rear Window

Rebecca

Sabotage

Shadow of  Doubt

Strangers on a Train (3 versions)

Suspicion

Under Capricorn

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